


Hating Myself For Needing Someone So Bad

by epicfrenchfry



Category: Durarara!!, Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Experimentation, Gang Violence, Gang warfare, Gen, Illegal Activities, Multi, Obsession, Obsessive Behavior, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychotropic Drugs, References to Depression, References to Drugs, Scars, Secrets, Slow Burn, Stalking, all seven years will be covered, it might get weird, it starts off light-hearted and gets gradually darker, izaya really really loves muggles, most of these characters are 50 shades of fucked up, shizuo just wants to be normal, verrry slow burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2019-02-22
Packaged: 2019-05-21 21:36:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14923271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/epicfrenchfry/pseuds/epicfrenchfry
Summary: The title is taken from the Waterparks song Peach (Lobotomy)-Shizuo and Izaya's hatred for one another is no secret, but each harbors dark secrets of their own. Izaya is desperate and Shizuo is resolute, and they both have their own goals and inhibitions. Izaya seems to exist purely to infuriate Shizuo, and Shizuo exists only to defy Izaya's classifications of normal. He's far from a normal Hufflepuff, let alone a normal human, and Izaya can't help but love him for it.





	1. Character List

** Gryffindor **

Mikage Sharaku – 3rd year

Kyohei Kadota – 2nd year

Saburo Togusa – 2nd year

Chikage Rokujou – 2nd year

****

** Slytherin **

Haruya Shiki – 6th year, prefect

Shinra Kishitani – 2nd year

Namie Yagiri – 2nd year

Ruri Hijiribe – 1st year

Erika Karisawa – 1st year

Walker Yumasaki – 1st year

****

** Hufflepuff **

Simon Brezhnev – 5th year, prefect

Tom Tanaka – 3rd year

Shizuo Heiwajima – 2nd year

Celty Sturluson – 2nd year

 

** Ravenclaw **

Dennis – 6th year, prefect

Izaya Orihara – 1st year

Kasuka Heiwajima – 1st year

Vorona  - 1st year


	2. Prologue

There’s this one.

He’s hunched in a corner, shaking and sobbing.

There’s that one.

He’s standing in a pool of blood that isn’t his own.

Wait…

Are they the same one?

 

 

_The voices are screaming. Screaming, begging, wailing, sobbing. They never stop. The voices never go away. He hides, but They always find him, and They take him up and take him away. He hides, but They always find him, because he always hides in the same place. It’s the only place he knows. He hides, but They always find him because he hides and he sobs, sobs like the voices do, but he puts his hands over his ears and cries louder than they do, to drown them out. He can never drown them out._

_There are always people here. They’re in and out, in and out, all day long. He says everything is okay, but he knows that He is a liar. Everything is not okay. It will never be okay._

_The voices are quiet. He stands and stares, stares at the blood, stares at his hands, because it’s all he can do. He can’t move. The voices are back, but they’re different voices, they’re_ real _, and he lets himself be shoved away because They are crowding around the blood. The blood is everywhere. The Boots are spreading it. They’re looking at him, and the Gloves are coming towards him now, clean and sterile and white, and it’s the last thing he sees._

 

 

"Well," he panted, wild-eyed and breathless. "You've caught me. Whatever will you do now?"

He gazed back down at him, eyes dark and foreboding. The shadow of his figure seemed to block out the sun.


	3. Introduction

“IIIIZAAAAYAAAAAA!”

“Oh boy, here we go again,” drawled a second year Slytherin, resting his chin in his palm and watching the ensuing chaos with a fascinated smirk. A golden platter soared over his head, the desserts it once held flying every which way. A first year leaped over the table, landing crouched on the floor and taking off, closely pursued by another second year.

“Mr. Heiwajima! Calm down this instant!” cried Professor Sprout as the two boys pelted past her. She was resolutely ignored, for the next second Izaya whipped out his wand and a red jet of light shot just past Shizuo’s cheek. He lurched back, putting a hand to the bleeding cut it left behind, and drew his own wand with a furious growl.

“Boys! Lower your wands!”

Izaya promptly stuffed his wand away and smiled brightly up at Professor McGonagall as she drew near them. Shizuo was slower and more reluctant to follow, and his scowl never faltered. The second year Slytherin had perked up and was craning his neck to see them, his grin widening. Shizuo made eye contact and scowled deeper.

“Mr. Orihara, I should think that you would know better, but it seems I am wrong. It is only your second week at Hogwarts, and so far you have picked more fights than any student I have ever encountered! And you, Mr. Heiwajima! What happened to the calm, quiet boy from last year? Where in Merlin’s name did this temper come from?”

Shizuo gazed at her, shame all over his face. It wasn’t his fault, he wanted to shout. Izaya was just such a pain in the ass! He didn’t want to ─ that bastard was looking at him, he was _looking_ at him with those creepy red eyes and that damned smirk and Shizuo could feel his self-control slipping, see his vision turning red, and then Izaya snickered. They were off again, McGonagall was shouting after them, and Shinra let his grin fall with a disappointed sigh. He leaned back against the table, munching on a biscuit.

“You know,” he said through a mouthful of crumbs. “Shizuo is the most unorthodox Hufflepuff in the history of the school, probably.”

The girl seated next to him, another Slytherin second year called Namie Yagiri, gave him a foul look. “Shut up. You’re annoying.” She rose to her feet and stalked away, long hair swishing behind her, and Shinra swallowed the last of biscuit and shrugged.

“I think you’re right, Shinra!” Erika trilled, leaning across the table towards him. Her dark eyes were narrowed with glee.

“Well, Izaya isn’t exactly a typical Ravenclaw, is he? If he was, he would know to steer clear of Shizuo,” added her constant companion Walker.

“You guys didn’t know Shizuo last year. He pretty much kept to himself. Not the best student, but not terrible. He did his best. I grew up with him, of course, and he’s always had a temper, not to mention that he’s scarily strong. I’d love to dissect him…” Shinra trailed off, a dreamy look on his face.

“Ooh, so Izaya really brings out the worst in Shizuo?” Erika giggled. She exchanged a delighted look with Walker that had the boy sighing.

“Definitely. He’s so infuriating that Shizuo can’t control himself. I kind of feel bad for him.”

“Do you regret introducing them?”

“No, never.” Shinra gave a little chuckle. “I have a feeling that things will be loads more interesting now.”


	4. Disruption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the sake of the story, Celty is going to have her head and we're going to assume that with it she can talk.

He didn’t like being like this. His strength was the one thing that he hated most about himself, and it had distinguished him enough from the rest of his perfectly normal family that when he received a letter detailing his apparent magical abilities, it had only served as a deeper blow. It had helped when Kasuka received the same letter, but Shizuo was still leaps and bounds away from being considered normal, even by wizarding standards.

He had tried to remedy it. He was always so busy trying to learn magic in this new world that he didn’t have to devote much energy to keeping his temper in check. There were, of course, the few incidents that he couldn’t help, but he was doing well. He was so proud of himself that he was able to write home every week to brag about the lack of fights he was getting into. Most of the older students tended to leave the first years alone, except for some mildly irritating teasing, not to mention the teasing he received for being a Hufflepuff. It went without saying that Hufflepuff gained a new reputation relatively quickly, between Shizuo himself and his classmate and friend Celty Sturluson, who just so happened to be a Dullahan.

Things were going well for him, better than he could have ever expected, and then he came along. Izaya Orihara, a kid who just oozed sleaziness and evil plots. He just couldn’t help but try to kick his ass. He was a leech, a parasitic little flea that only existed to ruin lives, and he was currently leering at him from a staircase, which had begun to move even before the pest had leaped onto it.

Izaya leaned over the banister, showing his teeth in a nasty smirk unbefitting of an eleven-year-old. “What’s the matter, monster? Can’t follow me?” He pouted mockingly, but his lips quivered with the force of his own amusement. “So sad, poor little monster.” He stepped off the staircase and ran up another to a landing directly above Shizuo’s head. He grinned, watching Shizuo pace around in a circle, glaring furiously up at him. The staircase wouldn’t move back for another minute, so he was temporarily stranded.

“I’ll kill you when I catch you!” he bellowed.

“Oh, I’m sure you will,” Izaya purred, just barely loud enough for Shizuo to hear him. “I bet you’ll tear me right apart.” He looked up and away, treading carefully along the very edge of the landing, so that if he moved even an inch to the right he would fall. “It’s too bad, really, that you’ll never do it. Catch me, I mean. I have no doubt that you’re capable of killing somebody, be it accidental or intentional. You know… because you’re a monster.” He cast a precursory glance back down, and Shizuo was still glowering up at him, still waiting for the staircase.

He sat down and dangled his legs off the landing. Shizuo weighed his options, gazing at those feet and wondering if he could reach to yank him back down. Izaya had to be more than ten feet up; there was no way he could reach. He eyed the staircase, which was starting to head back, and looked back up. Their eyes met and Izaya sneered at him.

“You know, monster, you look so plain. Brown eyes, brown hair, slender build. You’re not particularly good looking, or tall, or anything. You don’t even look strong. You don’t look like a monster. So what is it about you that makes you different? What makes you tick?” He paused and chuckled. “Well, I know the answer to _that_ one. Really, though… what is the matter with you? Why are you like this? I bet you ask yourself that question all the time, ne?”

He couldn’t lie. Not to himself, and not to Izaya. He wasn’t a liar and he never had been, and he couldn’t muster it up to lie even to the biggest disruption in his life so far. He nodded his head, very briskly, and looked determinately towards the approaching staircase. Izaya laughed to himself.

“So even the monster wonders why? So sad,” he crooned. “Poor monster. All he wants is blood!” He threw his hands up in the air with great flourish, eyes bright and shiny as he looked down upon Shizuo. Those eyes were the color of blood, richly red and so evil. “And blood shall be shed, am I right? I’m sure when you kill me, you’ll make it very bloody.”

Just then, the staircase slid back into place, and Shizuo bolted up it, and bounded up the next staircase to Izaya. Izaya looked at him, so calm and blithe, and smirked as he slipped off the edge of the landing. Shizuo just about tripped over himself as he rushed to look over the banister; surely Izaya was at least hurt. To his surprise and utter fury, the louse had landed on his feet, and had waited for Shizuo to see him before giving a hearty salute, turning on his heel, and taking off down another random staircase. Shizuo stared after him, nonplussed. Far away, he could hear the sound of students leaving dinner en masse. He dragged his feet back down the stairs and made his way back to the crowd, falling in step beside Celty.

“What happened?” she asked quietly.

“Usual shit.” He shrugged. “He won’t leave me alone. I hate him.”

“Well,” she said tentatively, “to be fair, you did attack him first. He’s just a first year.”

“I’m just a second year,” Shizuo said stubbornly. “He’s filth, anyways. I hate him.” Celty relented, and they walked the rest of the way in silence.

Some would say that twelve-year-old boys shouldn’t have hate in their hearts. Celty was among those, and she was an ageless harbinger of death omens. It had taken a lot of persuasion for her to be allowed to attend as a student, and it had only been allowed for very certain reasons. Being here, meeting Shizuo, and now knowing Izaya gave her a lot of insight into the adolescent brain. She could say that hate did not belong in the hearts of children, but she knew Shizuo, and she knew Izaya. She could say that Shizuo had only ever hated himself, and that he now hated Izaya for dragging out those much hated aspects of himself.

Plus, Izaya was a snarky little shit. Celty was good at minding her own business, so she wouldn’t say anything about it. She was quiet, and that was one of Shizuo’s favorite things about her. Of all people, of all beings, she alone could never and would never piss him off.

The Hufflepuff common room was bright and cozy, decorated all in shades of honey amber, yellow, and black. Shizuo found it nigh impossible to be mad in this room, with its infectious cheer, and he didn’t even mind that he had no friends in his dormitory. There was a friendly kid called Jake Nelson in the bed next to his, but his other roommates were afraid of him and they made it known. He didn’t mind this, either, because he spent most of his time in the common room anyways with Celty, a third year named Tom Tanaka, and a Russian fifth year named Simon Brezhnev. He loved Hogwarts, but he hated Izaya Orihara, and he hated how he was tanking his reputation with his own lack of self-control. He hated him, he hated him, he hated him, he wanted to kill kill kill kill kill…

He took a deep, calming breath and seated himself in a plump armchair near a window. Tendrils from the hanging plants were especially long in this spot and they formed a nook of sorts, vines brushing against Shizuo’s head as he walked through them. Tom was already there, a book in his lap and his dreadlocks tied back behind his head. Celty followed, seating herself next to Shizuo and placing her head on her lap.

“You okay there, Shizuo?” Tom asked, pushing his glasses back up his nose. “That was quite the show earlier, during dinner. McGonagall was really mad.”

“Yeah, I’m good.” He wasn’t, not at all, and he didn’t think he would be until that nasty little louse was gone from his life, but that was a problem for another day.


	5. Admittance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kasuka plays a role as Izaya's accomplice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jeez, this update took a while, didn't it? sorry bout that

With a bounce in his step, Izaya bounded up yet another flight of stairs- this one leading to the Ravenclaw common room. He slipped through the door after another student, effectively dodging the riddle password, and skirted the room, skipping on up the steps to his dormitory. He was looking for somebody in particular, his second favorite person to pester.

“Ah, Kasuka, good! You’re here!” Izaya flopped down on his bed, pulling his quilt up around his shoulders like a shawl. He sat on his knees, eyes bright and glittering. The other boy merely looked at him, not quite sullen but far from thrilled to see him. Neutral, that’s what it was, and it seemed to be the kid’s default mode.

“Where else would I be?”

“I don’t know. That doesn’t matter. What does matter is—”

“Let me guess. My brother?”

“Bingo! So tell me,” Izaya hummed, “what’s wrong with him?”

Kasuka looked away, probably annoyed but showing no signs of it. “There’s nothing wrong with my brother. There’s clearly something wrong with you for picking fights with him all of the time.”

Some kid across the room stifled a laugh, but Izaya ignored him. He tilted his head. “Well, that’s not fair. After all, we could say that there’s something wrong with everybody. There’s something clearly wrong with you, too, of course. Do you have any sort of emotions at all?”

“Yes. Do you, Orihara? I find it hard to believe that a lying rat like you would be so open with his feelings. Do you fake them all? You’re the least honest person I’ve ever met.”

“Are you emotionally stifled because of your mean big brother? He acted out enough for the both of you, so you had to be the perfect little boy, so quiet and mature and well-behaved? I bet your mother was really proud of you. Does she know that you’re messed up for life? Does your dear brother know that he ruined you?”

“I’m not emotionally stifled. I just know better than to show my every change in mood to people who could potentially be my enemy.”

“Am I your enemy, Kasuka?” Izaya asked with a grin. Kasuka gazed silently back at him, but it was all the answer he needed. Izaya fell back onto his mattress with a giggle. “I should be worried, ne? Do I have two enemies in the Heiwajima family?”

“What do you think?” Kasuka replied impassively.

“Oh, wouldn’t you like to know.”

“I don’t care all too much, actually.”

Izaya flipped onto his side, smirking at Kasuka. “We could be friends, you know.”

“I would rather not.”

“Mm, Kasuka?”

“What?”

“Have you ever been to the Hufflepuff common room?”

Kasuka looked back at him, dark eyes unreceptive.

* * *

They journeyed together back into the common room. A petite blonde was sat next to the massive bookcases, an old leather volume open in her lap, her violet eyes moving rapturously across the aged pages. She lifted her head to study them as they passed; they walked brusquely past her, right through the door. Kasuka led the way down the tower, and all the way downstairs. They passed a gigantic still-life painting of a fruit bowl, and came to a cluster of enormous barrels. Kasuka studied them, approached one, and tapped it with a very deliberate rhythm. The barrel opened up, revealing a passageway. Izaya gave Kasuka an appreciative look.

“Shizuo told me,” he explained, “in case I ever wanted to visit him.”

“What a considerate brother,” Izaya drawled in response. “After you.” He followed Kasuka through the passage, emerging into an obnoxiously bright, cramped common room. Izaya instantly had a headache, wishing he was back in the spacious area of the Ravenclaw common room, with its white walls and starry blue ceiling, none of these cloying plants and overabundance of lounging people.

“Shizuo?” Kasuka called, glancing around. A Hufflepuff pointed towards the corner nook, where long tendrils of plants hung down like a curtain. Izaya grinned, pushing past Kasuka and heading towards it. The kid who had helped them paled at the sight of him; he gathered up his books and bolted up the stairs to the dorms.

“Shizuuu!” Izaya sang, shoving plants out of his way. The beast was sitting in an squashy chair, reading—Izaya almost burst out laughing at the sight—with his headless friend sitting on the arm of it. She jumped in alarm, her head tumbling from her lap, and Izaya caught it effortlessly. “You can read, Shizu?”

Shizuo slammed his book shut, practically growling in his rage. “What the hell are you doing here?”

“Your sweet little brother let me in! Wasn’t that so nice of him?” Izaya purred, grabbing Kasuka by the arm and pulling him into a tight side-hug. Kasuka grumbled, visibly uncomfortable.

“Kasuka!” Shizuo scolded. His brother only shrugged in response, twisting himself out of Izaya’s grip.

Izaya looked around, clutching the head to his chest, taking in the cozy aspect of the nook, and the pretty view they had of the Hogwarts grounds beyond the window. If he were to climb out the window, the greenhouses would be just a short walk down the grassy hill, and in the distance, the dark trees of the Forest loomed ominously. The lake was a shining, glassy surface adjacent, its pebbled shore stretching to the base of the trees. Privately, Izaya thought that the ambience of this little nook was very pleasant, but he would sooner kiss Shizuo than admit, aloud anyways, that the dumb brute had good taste in anything.

“Is this where you come to calm down, little monster?”

“Yes,” Shizuo snapped, rising from his seat. “Leave, so I can get to it!”

“Aw, but I just got here!” Izaya whined, flopping into Shizuo’s just-vacated chair. “Ooh, this is comfy. Thanks for warming it up for me, Shizu. Care to fetch me a water, too?” he asked, playfully batting his eyelashes at his enemy. Shizuo ground his teeth, looking as though he would like nothing more than to pound Izaya into the stone wall, but restraint coursed through him with one look from Kasuka.

“Piss off,” he spat.

Izaya hummed to himself, examining the head he still held in his hands. “This is pretty,” he announced. Its owner hovered anxiously next to Shizuo, rendered mute without the possession of her head, but the dark smoke pluming from her neck spoke wonders to her emotions. “Can I keep it?” he asked her. The smoke spiked, angry yet fearful; he watched, sharp-eyed and fascinated.

“No!” roared the beast, clenching his fists. He stomped forward, reaching out to snatch the head from him. Izaya curled protectively around it, hiding it from Shizuo’s hands.

“Nuh-uh,” he said, shaking his head. “You can’t have it… you would crush it, dirty monster.” Shizuo’s eyes narrowed and he whirled on his heel, punching through the stone wall. Smoke burst from Celty’s hand, twining around Shizuo’s wrists.

“Give me the head,” Kasuka ordered blandly, hand outstretched. Izaya gave it to him, no problem, sticking his tongue out at Shizuo when he glared at him. “Here,” he said, returning Celty’s head to her. She took it gratefully, holding it close.

“Thank you,” she said quietly.

“You’re a bad wizard, Shizu,” Izaya remarked. “What’s the matter, did you lose your wand?”

But now that Izaya was no longer holding hostage precious cargo, Shizuo had little qualms against lifting him by the scruff of his robes and throwing him to the floor. Shizuo’s wand bounced to the floor, free from the chair’s cushion; Izaya had been sitting on it. Izaya scrambled for it, but Shizuo seized it, aiming the hawthorne wand directly between Izaya’s eyes.

“Don’t make me hex you,” he snarled. “Kasuka, how could you bring him in here?”

“I was bored,” Kasuka said, shrugging. “He asked.”

“I’ll be talking to Simon about changing the password,” he told him. “And you!” he spat, glaring down at Izaya, who merely grinned back at him, nonchalant. “Don’t ever let me catch you here again! You stay away from Hufflepuff, I stay away from Ravenclaw. That was the deal, remember? Of course, people like you don’t put much thought into keeping your word,” he sneered. Izaya gasped, as though mortally wounded.

“How dare you, Shizu! I never promised! You merely stated the terms of the deal, and assumed I agreed! You’re not very business-savvy, Shizu. That’s gonna come back to bite you in the future.”

Shizuo stared down at him, put-off. “Then agree now.”

“Hmm…” Izaya pretended to think for a second. “No.” He lashed out swiftly, knocking the wand from Shizuo’s hand, and scooted back away from the beast. He stood up, dusting off his robes. “Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

He pushed the plants out of his way, striding through the now-empty common room for the exit, and the passageway bloomed open before him the moment he laid his hand on the door. Kasuka bid his brother an impassive goodbye, heading after Izaya for no other reason than his lack of will to hang around his agitated brother. There were little other students in the halls, and those that did gave a slight doubletake at the sight of the pair of them: Izaya Orihara, and Heiwajima’s brother?

“I don’t like you,” Kasuka said matter-of-factly as they ascended the winding stairs to the Ravenclaw tower.

“I know,” Izaya hummed, unbothered. “I don’t like you, either… But that was fun, wasn’t it?” Kasuka didn’t give any indication of his agreement, but Izaya fancied he could see the ghost of a smile on his lips.


End file.
